fatigue

I haven’t drawn much lately. I should respond to anons and people and I’ll try that tomorrow.

..I was having joint pain and terrible headaches and ..god, so many painful stuff around my body that it’s making me anxious that I have some deadly disease. OTL

I should draw more often.  Anxiety is just this terrible crippling feeling that has taken over me atm and I should get rid of it.

but anyway, drew a Ryou because it’s fun and calming.

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I know, it’s a simple doodle. sorry…

I hate myself for being so unproductive. I have so many ideas I want to execute and people to respond but its always some health anxiety that’s blocking me from doing so. I hate having this.

I want it to stop. ;_;

I’m sorry if I’ve been quite idle. I don’t like being idle, I hate it but my mental state right now is super crappy. I hope this feeling ends as soon as possible.

I wanna go back to being regular like before…

 

 

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miho (mirror) -reply-

Took me almost a week to create something ..decent. digitally OTL

Anyway, an anon asked me what I think of canon Miho and if Miho is there in the Mirror AU.

Canonically, Miho is a friggin’ bitch for me. I really dislike her in the anime especially with her manipulation tactics towards Honda.

But in the Mirror! AU, since in this AU, characters are versions of themselves with a trait inverted, such as key interests, morality or style,

Miho is the character from Toei anime if her morality were inverted, turning her deliberately malicious and possessive.

She is absolutely obnoxious about liking/lusting after Mariku, and does not take no for an answer. Mariku turns her down all the time, but is too polite about it so she still thinks she can change his mind.

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As for Ryou and Miho…

Ryou just finds her a pain in the arse; she comes to the shop a lot and takes up a lot of time for Mariku, and is unduly hostile towards Ryou, not to mention possessive.

Miho probably views Ryou as a rival, trying to “steal” Mariku from her; in her mind, Mariku is already hers, it is just a matter of time until he sees the light and agrees to date her.

So she gets quite bitchy towards him because in her mind he is trying to seduce her boyfriend, basically.

(Thanks Rin, for all these~<3)

anyway, yeah I know my digital stuff are off atm but I’m slowly getting into it again. It’s just a matter of pratcicing to get back to the groove.

Aaaannnd……It’s really waaaaayyyy past my bedtime OTL…But I’m glad I was able to upload at least something..my body isn’t well atm and have been having pins and needles the whole day. (Not sure if they are caused by the oills or that i drank too much coffee today.) OTL

good night ~

sketchbook stuff (cuz im too lazy to use a scanner) + NSFW ahead

Hello again.

Sorry for the idleness again. ^^;;

I was in pain for a few days  since it was my../cough/time of the month /coughs//.

(No wonder I was depressed and moody af the week before.)

I didn’t have it last month which really scared me cuz yknow the usual reason why you miss a period and I think it’s the reason why it was way more painful and I bled more than the usual for a few days even if I took some pain relieving pills.

I hate being a woman sometimes. OTL

Thankfully, my gynecologist said it was due to hormonal imbalance and prescribed me some birth control pills to regulate it every month. So I’ll be taking them for six months. 😀

I know I sound like I keep making excuses but I don’t have any control when it comes to these circumstances. This year has been quite a rough year for me unfortunately.

But yeah, I was at the apartment for the whole week and just drew stuff on my sketchbook. I am still having bad art days and I’m not that proud of the artworks in this  sketchbook compared to the one before but sometimes, ya gotta push yourself and accept that you’ll make mistakes.

A lot of stuff here are based on the stuff me and Rin discussed over at Skype. She tells me stories every night like a mum and she’s so good at impromptu writing ❤

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(I’m not sure why Mariku’s skintone looks way lighter here even if I used the same marker in all of my stuff OTL..must be the lighting)

 

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So what I hate about trad art is also the deformed artworks depending on what angle you were in while drawing..

God, Miho looks deformed af OTL..especially with her skull.

ugh…

Ah well…I’ll try again next time.

 

Sorta NSFW ahead…(Scroll at your own risk)

(more…)

back

Been a week since I last uploaded..OTL

Sorry ’bout that.

The day after I last uploaded, I tripped on my foot (cracked my bones there) and scrapped my knee while running and I was not able to walk for two to three days due to my painful foot injury and I hated the stinging sensation of my knee wounds. It was a very bad feeling being bedridden and having to limp instead of walking.

When things couldn’t get any worse, I caught a cold the next day (after I injured my foot) due to the weather. It was terrible that I kept sneezing throughout the entire day. The cold/allergy lasted for two days. I still have some allergies but it wasn’t as worse as that one, lol.

It was good that I didn’t need hospitalization with my injuries. The pain made it feel like I couldn’t walk anymore.

And not to mention, I was having bad art days. like, y’know the feeling of drawing lots of stuff but they’re all terrible and you’re so frustrated because you feel like your art skills are deteriorating and you’re supposed to be improving? everything you draw is off and that you’re getting worse instead?

It depressed me so much. I kept drawing but all I could come up with were blobs, random shapes , lopsided eyes and figures, it was too frustrating to bear. I felt like giving up in drawing due to that. I didn’t wanna go online because I felt bad about all the stuff I’ve been producing lately. i just wanted to sleep and never wake up… ;_;

To make matters worse, the laptop will come by this December..So friggin far away. OTL..Please bear with a lot of low quality photos of my trad art for the meantime. I’ll try to do digital art during the weekends.

TLDR; this week was a bad one. There is not a single day where I don’t have any accidents. I’m so accident prone LOL. 

But hey, at least I drew something in my sketchbook.

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I always headcanon’d little Mariku having a Resting Bitch face syndrome.. While Malik on the other hand has….resting smug face syndrome (?)

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and some random snippet of this thing.

 

 

orz….

 

 

I haven’t done digital in so long that all I was able to draw digitally were blobs and weird shapes for almost two days../sigh//

It’s disheartening and frustrating to think I used to be super comfortable with digital work back then.

The one below is one of the many failed scribbles; super messy and off..I should practice more. I think I’ve regressed quite a lot in this field, probably because of my rust but I’ll try practicing again to make stuff more decent looking next time. ^^;;

.It’ll take days or weeks…..gotta make more thumbnails OTL

 

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Also some traditional works while I was binge watching Asian Horror films. I was able to multitask well to watch properly and draw at the same time. (properly meaning that I was able to get the context of the film and pretty much watched all the horror scenes so ’tis an achievement pfft.)

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((I sorta based Ryou’s clothing from a painting of Marie Thérèse of France  as a child. ))


Tools used:

~Prismacolor col erase pencil (carmine red)

~Copic / Winsor and Newton / Shinhan touch markers

~ Pilot g tec C3 (blue and black)

~Kuretake Bimoji Fude Pen (extra fine)

~Pilot Makase Fude brush pen (blue black)

~Sakura Gelly Roll Pen (Gold and White)

Sketchbook:

~Midori MD Cotton notebook A5


 

These are the same photos I showed to a friend at Skype since she was harassing me if I drew something yesterday lol and pardon with the angles.

well..actually I’m just too lazy to take another photo with a different angle atm. I really didn’t wanna upload these but ah well…please deal with the weird angles.

But bad photography aside, this fairytale au stuff was just meant to show different social classes back then and until now. A lot of rich, upper class people are usually blinded from the poor, working class’s pleas and it’s sad. The rich are getting richer and the poor are getting poorer. ;_;

I’ve always been passionate with historical stuff and pouring my heart out when it comes to the topic of social hierarchies and discrimination. I like tackling this subject and I plan on tackling it more in the future.

rambles

hello~

No academic stuff for a week, yay!~ (I can reply and doodle more digital stuff)

I just got back from the apartment a few hours ago so I’m a bit tired. ^^;;

On the plus side, I can practice again with digital art since I now have access to my computer for a whole week. I feel very rusty with it and I’m still quite frustrated that I have to start all over again with digital art (or rather, I feel like a beginner so I have to keep practicing and testing new techniques, experimenting with different stuff…) -_-;;>

Here are some stuff I drew yesterday (ant the other day on my sketchbook)

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(Why do they look very warm here in the computer when in the phone and tablet, they’re not? OTL)

Thinking about what happened recently, I regained my love and appreciation for traditional art. My laptop died a few months ago unexpectedly and it was depressing (as I’ve said multiple times here lol) since I only had access to my computer every weekend (mostly) and I am not as regular in uploading compared to before. Projects/comics had to be put in the shelf for a while because I had limited time with my computer.

With those stuff happening, I had to resort to going back to traditional works. I was afraid at first, because it’s been years since I did traditional seriously, not like the sketching/line work but with coloring. I was, and still am insecure with my traditional artworks because the lighting is terrible, my photography skills were shit and there are probably other factors which I suck in. Comparing myself to other artists (prof. traditional artists) made me feel bad.

But y’know…I had no computer (and graphics tablet) during the weekdays and I have to make do with what I had at the apartment.

One of the things I disliked in traditional art is it costs a LOT in the long run. The many times I got broke…/sigh//

because art materials, even the cheap but good ones were too pricey for me (since I’m a very frugal person lol.). I didn’t wanna spend because, I mean, I had a tablet at home, I could just use Photoshop brushes or Paint studio instead of those 8 dollar pens/ 30 dollar watercolors or something.  Digital art is expensive at first, with the graphics tablet plus computer/laptop but it is cheap in the long run. Traditional is expensive in the long run since you run out of materials and or ink.

But I guess it’s worth it. Rin reassured me that if you’re gonna use it to create something and have at least some spare money left, then by all means, just buy them. She encouraged me that it’s good to not rely on computers/tablets much because you won’t be with your computer everywhere and she’s right. I can’t bring my graphics tablet at a cafe or at a park. And as much as I can use my iPad as a digital sketchbook, I don’t want to because…it feels off(?) personally for me.

Although even with that money con, I learned a lot. Traditional art doesn’t have a “ctrl-z” / undo button which is a con in itself and since I’m used to digital art and constantly pressing the undo button, it was hard to not make mistakes at first. I kept on erasing and having ink blots/smudges  from my brush pen.  It’s a con at the start but it becomes a pro as time goes on because having no undo button makes you more skilled in a sense that you see your mistakes, can’t undo that shit so you have to improve in drawing so much so you can avoid making them again.

Another pro is that I get to be resourceful with my colors. I don’t have all the marker colors and it’s frustrating (because I want to have them all but the marker sets are expensive af) but it’s a good thing as well because I have to choose the colors wisely with a limited palette and using the colors that match with each other. In photoshop and Paint studio or PTSAI, you have all the colors  so you’re tempted to use lots of them but I noticed that images tend to be out of balance(?) or scattered(?) when I have so many colors in one artwork while those artworks I do with colors within a certain palette tend to look better. (maybe it’s just me ..welp)

Traditional sketchbooks are wonderful. I really miss having to bring a sketchbook everywhere I go (I did those before I got a tablet)  and you can basically call it muh safe space. :”D ..

..but seriously, it is. I do use it as a journal/diary and record my deepest, darkest thoughts and other ideas that I don’t wanna show publicly  through drawing.

I also like the tactile feeling of traditional media. I can touch (and smell) my artworks and experiment with markers and watercolors and brush pens.

So far, I barely had an art block or rather whined like a little bitch again that I ran out of ideas or have a blank mind because experimenting and switching with different types of media, traditional and digital helped me keep the creativity juices flowing. ^_^

For now though, I have to regain my momentum in digital work since I have so many ideas that I wanna execute digitally.

 

 

 

 

 

Trad stuff again…

Hello..

Sorry, I’m at the apartment again for this week OTL..so trad art, like the usual.

also, it’s been a strange week so far…I can’t fathom why but I wasn’t feeling like myself for days, I’ve been very tired and dizzy…ah well, hopefully this feeling wears off.

Anyway, some weird ygo art..(as always, pfft.. but I should start drawing and posting more realistic and original /other fandom stuff ) drew them while bloated..

I don’t really know what I did here lol this kind of scenario popped into my head and I had to draw it cuz I’m such a degenerate. :’D

(Pardon with the glare /gloss effect in the lineart..terrible lighting, I know..OTL)

I love mornings~

((I swear to Ra, they look better IRL..I just have terrible photography and lighting skills OTL..))